Sex? Sexy? Sexual? No, No and NO…..
So I stood in front of my mirror today naked… YEA… that was fun. I tried to find ONE at least ONE tiny little thing about me that looked sexy, and I couldn’t do it. “Where’s Waldo” you ask? My guess is tucked away in some fat roll gasping for air!
COME ON! Even my toes look like shit! How does this happen? I even thought, “Turn halfway around just so your side is showing and your long hair can flow down your back, well my “LONG” hair needs a deep treatment of some sort, and it doesn’t “flow” due to the rolls it stops on like a tree branch clenching to the edge of a cliff. And my ASS?? OMG! From the side it looks like a mountain slope AND once again the growth from the “FOREST of Unkept Secrets” (read hairy situation post) looks like it’s trying to reach that slope! My heels are cracked, my nails are bitten down, eyebrows need tweezing, and an all over exfoliation wouldn’t hurt one bit! When looking at myself only one thought went through my head: “WOW, men must need sex to breathe!” His drive for sex has to be for PURE SURVIVAL! No PERSON would mount this nightmare just for fun!
Enough!
Time to execute Operation: Find Waldo and send him home.
Step 1: RUN!! Run until I can’t breathe! (About 4 min)
Step2: Get out the weed whacker and get whacking!
Step 3: GO TANNING
Step 4: Clip, file and paint nails, tweeze eyebrows, look for hair in chin, take multi-vitamins and RUN SOME MORE!
I know it’s going to take work, HARD WORK, but I’m committed! So get on your hiking boots girls and LET’S FIND WALDO!
So I stood in front of my mirror today naked… YEA… that was fun. I tried to find ONE at least ONE tiny little thing about me that looked sexy, and I couldn’t do it. “Where’s Waldo” you ask? My guess is tucked away in some fat roll gasping for air!
COME ON! Even my toes look like shit! How does this happen? I even thought, “Turn halfway around just so your side is showing and your long hair can flow down your back, well my “LONG” hair needs a deep treatment of some sort, and it doesn’t “flow” due to the rolls it stops on like a tree branch clenching to the edge of a cliff. And my ASS?? OMG! From the side it looks like a mountain slope AND once again the growth from the “FOREST of Unkept Secrets” (read hairy situation post) looks like it’s trying to reach that slope! My heels are cracked, my nails are bitten down, eyebrows need tweezing, and an all over exfoliation wouldn’t hurt one bit! When looking at myself only one thought went through my head: “WOW, men must need sex to breathe!” His drive for sex has to be for PURE SURVIVAL! No PERSON would mount this nightmare just for fun!
Enough!
Time to execute Operation: Find Waldo and send him home.
Step 1: RUN!! Run until I can’t breathe! (About 4 min)
Step2: Get out the weed whacker and get whacking!
Step 3: GO TANNING
Step 4: Clip, file and paint nails, tweeze eyebrows, look for hair in chin, take multi-vitamins and RUN SOME MORE!
I know it’s going to take work, HARD WORK, but I’m committed! So get on your hiking boots girls and LET’S FIND WALDO!
Ha ha! You crack me up!
ReplyDeleteOkay, my running shoes are on and I'm ready to run with you. I just stepped on my big scale this morning and all it said was "keep running, keep running. Please for the love of everything holy, KEEP RUNNING!" I thought it was pretty clear so come on, lets go...to a movie.. uh, I mean..running...
ReplyDeleteOK! to both, let's run to the movie, straight to the popcorn stand and get extra butter!
ReplyDelete