Note to self: BURN NUDE COLORED UDERWEAR!
So, I finally put out this morning! My husband got the BEST 45 seconds of his whole day all because of an unforeseen mishap. I call this mishap “NUDE UNDERWARE” Trust me when I say, I don’t wear sexy panties… I can’t, I use to but I’m all about the comfort and multi color packs now. I remember when I was a teenager and my mom would come into my room and ask me if I had been taking her underwear? “I AM SO SURE MOM!” I would quickly reply, “Like I would wear your big granny panties!” I swore, SWORE to myself that I WOULD NEVER, EVER wear what I called silky parachute underwear. 60lbs, 3 kids and a tight budget later I’m hooked! But it’s not silky, it’s the seamless microfiber. LOVE IT!
Anyway, a multi colored pack purchased recently had a white pair, black pair and nude pair. Great! I wore the nude pair to bed. Now, usually to avert any misguided signals my husband may be picking up, I go to bed FULLY CLOTHED. I wear yoga pants, bra, T-shirt, and underwear and socks. Well last night I was really tired and the baby was asleep in my bed. So in the dark I just stripped down to my nursing bra and parachute microfiber nude colored underwear. I’m not even going to call them “Panties” because that sounds too cute for what they are. These are UNDERWEAR!
Well dawn approached too soon and the sun began to peer through the window. I start to stretch and kick off my blankets, and as if my husband sensed skin not cotton his eyes popped open to what he thought was me with no underwear on! “Are you not wearing underwear!?” He asked like a child on Christmas morning! Quick as a flash he was up and rearing to go for it! I was so stunned, and thrown off! What the HELL was he talking about?? I franticly tried to divert the situation while still trying to figure out what the situation even was. I looked down and realized my nude colored underwear had deceived him! And because of the microfiber a few of my stiffer hairs were poking through! HOLY SHIT! I had worn sexy panties unknowingly! I sent false signals, and I knew at this point not even my bad breath, leaking boobs of milk or smelly armpits could get me out of this pickle! (Literally).
Needless to say, 45 seconds later my husband was happily snoring again while I was burning my nude colored parachute panties….
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Oh my hell!!! LOL. Enough said.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's pretty funny!
ReplyDeleteSounds to me like you should just strap on and lock up the ol chastity belt. A device meant to thwart the pre-mature experimentation of sexual activity by those who were not married or too young. That mentality still rode horses and carried swords...in this case, sounds like the utility is pretty much the same...just a different psychology in its use. Maybe you could put a padlock on the thing and then train your hubby to pick the lock if he wants his 45 seconds of quasi-pleasure, or in times of desperation (because we DO have those) he can bring in the bolt cutters from the garage and skip the foreplay altogether...
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