Yodalay Whoohoo....

I didn't put out last night. I couldn't. Aunt flow is still here and both I and my husband put in a LOOOOONNNNNNGGGG day! BUT, I think as soon as flow wraps up her visit, I'm going to make an EFFORT! Yea I said it, an EFFORT to have sex. Or in this case "go hiking" My husband has been working really hard on a club house for our kids and it turned out SO FREAKING CUTE! SO the least I can do is reward him with 60 seconds of hard mountain climbing (see find waldo post). It will be tough terrain to cover in 60 seconds but I think it can be done! Even if he doesn't make it to the top, I think he'll be happy! Ohdalay whoohooo!! (that's yodeling)
keep you posted~

Operation: Find Waldo and Send Him Home!

Sex? Sexy? Sexual? No, No and NO…..
So I stood in front of my mirror today naked… YEA… that was fun. I tried to find ONE at least ONE tiny little thing about me that looked sexy, and I couldn’t do it. “Where’s Waldo” you ask? My guess is tucked away in some fat roll gasping for air!

COME ON! Even my toes look like shit! How does this happen? I even thought, “Turn halfway around just so your side is showing and your long hair can flow down your back, well my “LONG” hair needs a deep treatment of some sort, and it doesn’t “flow” due to the rolls it stops on like a tree branch clenching to the edge of a cliff. And my ASS?? OMG! From the side it looks like a mountain slope AND once again the growth from the “FOREST of Unkept Secrets” (read hairy situation post) looks like it’s trying to reach that slope! My heels are cracked, my nails are bitten down, eyebrows need tweezing, and an all over exfoliation wouldn’t hurt one bit! When looking at myself only one thought went through my head: “WOW, men must need sex to breathe!” His drive for sex has to be for PURE SURVIVAL! No PERSON would mount this nightmare just for fun!
Enough!
Time to execute Operation: Find Waldo and send him home.
Step 1: RUN!! Run until I can’t breathe! (About 4 min)
Step2: Get out the weed whacker and get whacking!
Step 3: GO TANNING
Step 4: Clip, file and paint nails, tweeze eyebrows, look for hair in chin, take multi-vitamins and RUN SOME MORE!
I know it’s going to take work, HARD WORK, but I’m committed! So get on your hiking boots girls and LET’S FIND WALDO!

Looking In the Mirror

So I’m out with a close friend night before last and we got on the topic of my blog. I’ve always known she had a healthy sex drive. She is 1 year older than I am and has been married longer. I always assumed her healthy sex drive contributed to 1 thing: Her Husband. Her husband is the type that ALWAYS helped with everything, kids, house, yard, very “hands on” I always said, “ if all men were like him, most women would be more willing to put out” I brought this exact point up to my friend. She told me something that surprised me. Something that truly put a mirror in front of my face.
She told me that although her husband always helped with everything and was a very hard worker and good father and a good husband they don’t have a healthy “Sex” life. She said she feels that he works so much that he doesn't seem to have the time or energy for sex. (sound familiar?) “I KNOW, he does what he does because he loves me, it’s not so much “SEX” per say. It would be nice to feel like I’m important enough to him that he makes me a priority. It really hurts sometimes that he doesn’t”
It was so strange to hear this coming from a friend of mine and women also. I felt as though a mirror had been held in front of my face. As I stated in an earlier post, I do make time for everything in my life except sex. But after last night I really had to be truthful with myself. To be honest, I make time in my life for everything except my husband. When I say “I’m too tired” It’s true, BUT… I also say I show my husband how much I love him through the everyday things I do. After leaving my friend last night I realized I don’t. There is definitely room for improvement. It’s not so much “Sex” but bonding, talking, communicating and sharing. Making each other feel the others time, thoughts and NEEDS are just as important as the kids, job, house etc. I’m not saying my husband is “Off the hook” on his end, but I definitely share a part in the solution.
Sometimes when looking at your own reflection you don’t like what’s looking back at you. Good thing we all have the ability to change that reflection.

I’m going to leave this post with a quote I read recently and LOVED!

"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it, and change. So that every new moment is not spent in regret, guilt, fear, or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." Jennifer Edwards

That CRAZY Bitch Flow...

Well I got an unexpected visitor this morning, AUNTIE FLOW…
I should have sensed her arrival was approaching with all the chocolate cravings and the third eye that appeared on my forehead, but with all the work I had going on this week I somehow missed the signs.
And as most of you know, when aunt flow shows up, the husband packs up and sex is off the menu for at least 7 days.
During her visit last night we re-read some of the comments left by men. WELL, auntie flow (not being the gracious person I am) saw things in a bit different. And wanted me to pass a message on to the men who frequent this blog…..

“A picture says a thousand words…. this one say’s two”








Love Flow.

That Flow, she’s one crazy bitch!

Getting Back on Track

For those of you just getting here let me bring you up to speed…
1) Husband told me we had the worst sex life ever
2) I doubted his statement and started a blog about it
3) Blog was going to be a light hearted self discovery journal about the reasons I don’t like having sex as much as I use to
4) Women LOVE it; Men I wouldn’t say HATE it but dislike my approach.

Time to get back on track!!

To get the full story please read “OLDER POST” & Male Comments!
I’m not so naive or bias as to think my disinterest in sex has to do ONLY with the actions (or lack thereof) of my husband. With that, I did some “soul searching” you might call it, to see what it is that I DO to contribute to my current sexual situation. Here is what I came up with:

1) I am truly unhappy with my appearance since having our last child
2) I have made no effort to get the baby out of our bed which leads to less sleep for me and less sex for my husband.
3) I make time for EVERYTHING in my life except quality time with my husband

So, this is where I’m going to start my journey. I am a TRUE believer in leading through example and getting back that which you give. I am going to work on myself and what I can do to get my sex life back on track. I will post about it, and I will be honest about it.

In regards to the 2 male comments left today:
1) Instead of getting all offended by “MY sex life” try reading what I’m truly writing about and see where you could possibly see things from your wives perspective. And maybe when she says she’s “tired” or “not in the mood” try and look at the situation from behind her eyes instead of behind your zipper.
2) And to Bradley Tee, when dressing as a school girl to keep it interesting: keep your balls tucked in your uniform or things could go south really quick!

And last but most certainly the most important:
The one and only thing that NO ONE reading or commenting on this blog can dispute is I LOVE MY HUSBAND. And I know without any uncertainty that he loves me.
We may not have as much sex as some couples out there but we have a much stronger bond than most couples I know. We are honest with each other and can laugh about things that most couples can’t even talk about. So to those who doubt, think what you may… I know where we stand and that’s all that matters.

Another MALE comment! YEA!

MALE COMMENT AGAIN! YEA!!
I got another comment. Seems he's upset about the "YOU BIG TEASE" post. I would like to share…..

"How about you focus on what your husband does do and not what he doesn’t do. I’m sure he isn’t at home thinking all about what the hell you’re not doing, other than maybe thinking about the sex you’re obviously not giving him. Women and Men have gone through this since the beginning of time this isn’t anything new. It’s on both sides of the fence though. It sure seems easy for women to talk to everyone else about a problem other than the person they need too. You should probably give your husband some respect and talk to him. If he doesn’t listen then you have a lot worse off problems "communication is the key"Also if he isn’t offended by all this than he already gave you the pants to wear so you might as well just give him chores like an 8yr old child.Have fun with your day dreams!"

WOW, struck a cord, hit a nerve?? so here we go…to address your statement “focus on what your husband does do and not what doesn’t do.” Fair enough. I PROMISE my next post will be about all the things he does right and why I love him. BUT, in my defense my blog isn’t about what my husband does, it’s about why I don’t want to have “SEX” Not is it about why I don’t “LOVE” my husband, I DO. (Refer to “BLURRY LINES “post)
Your comment: “I’m sure he’s not at home thinking about what the hell you’re not doing, other than maybe the sex you’re not giving” Your right, I’m SURE he’s thinking about the sex he’s not getting, BUT if he focused on WHY IT IS he’s not getting it instead of the fact he’s not getting it maybe he WOULD GET IT! Get it?
Your comment: “It sure seems easy for women to talk to everyone else about a problem other than the person they need too”
After 14 years of marriage, TRUST ME, we’ve talked. And women have to talk to other women due to the fact that men think differently and DON’T UNDERSTAND! So when women talk to their friends and see that they too are going through similar things, it feels good to know your NORMAL!
Your comment:
“You should probably give your husband some respect and talk to him. If he doesn’t listen then you have a lot worse off problems. communication is the key.” I do respect my husband whether you think so or not. We do communicate all the time. That doesn’t always lead to resolution. Men and women think differently about sex period….. No amount of communication is going to change that.
Your comment: “Also if he isn’t offended by all this than he already gave you the pants to wear so you might as well just give him chores like an 8yr old child”
He knows about my blog and I have read him some of the post. We have laughed our asses off. He hasn’t read them all nor does he want to. He actually thought “You Big Tease” was one of the funniest ones. He KNOWS there’s truth behind the humor. We are VERY secure in our relationship. We joke ALL THE TIME about our sex life, at least we can laugh about it. As far as “he already gave me the pants to wear” Due to our lack of sex life WE BOTH wear our pants! (Just kidding) I hate that saying because why does one have to be dominant over the other? It’s so stupid! We’re a team. We love each other. Were not perfect but who is?
Your comment: “Have fun with your daydreams” Who has time for daydreams? IM LIVING THE DREAM!
Best wishes to you and please keep the comments coming. It is mainly women reading this blog so it’s good to hear a man’s perspective!

You BIG Tease!!

I bet most of you have heard the phrase “Dick Tease”? Well, if by some remote chance you haven’t heard the phrase I think is pretty self explanatory, it’s teasing or arousing a man, leading him on, letting him believe that something wonderful is about to happen to him sexual, then not following through. And in a man’s book a “Dick Tease” is just about the WORST thing a women can be.

Well I gotta phrase for you, “DISH TEASE” yea I said it! D.I.S.H. TEASE! You ever had one of those in your life? I bet you have! It’s when a man says he’s going to do the dishes, leads you on, get’s you all worked up and aroused by the thought that you just might have one less freaking thing to do at the end of the night. You’re in another room hearing the dishes clank around and your heart starts to race at the thought of his hands slowly wiping a dishcloth over those dirty, nasty, dishes…. Your naughty, YOUR NAUGHTY!

You quietly tiptoe to the kitchen for a peek; you just need one look of your man bent over that dishwasher to take you over the edge. You run your fingers around the corner of the wall then follow with your eyes….. What the FU**??? Where’s my man? Suddenly you hear the TV in the next room; you franticly look around the kitchen and see the crusted pots and pans still on the stove, food particles on the countertops, and crumbs on the floor. HE COULDN’T BE DONE!? You think to yourself, you race the TV room with the look of desperation in your eyes... “Are you going to finish the dishes?” you ask hoping the answer is going to be a definite “YES” but to your dismay he states: “I did finish the dishes”.
“Well what about the pots and pans?” You ask without trying to sound too desperate. “They didn’t fit in the dishwasher” he replies. “Well, it’s not done! It looks like crap! It’s not CLEAN!” to which MY “DISH TEASE” responds with “Look, I did my best. I’m tired, and least I tried, can’t you just be happy I did the dishes for you?” For me? Why the hell is it for me? I work also, everyone eats…
Soon you began to realize if you want to be satisfied you’re going to have to finish the job yourself.
I don’t know about the rest of you women out there but to me a “DISH TEASE” is EVERY BIT as bad as a “DICK TEASE” if not worse! At least if a man has to “finish the job himself” (if you get my drift) it just takes him some dirty thoughts, a few strokes and the job is done! When finishing the dishes after he offered to do the job? The only dirty thought running through my head involves a shovel of dirt and an early grave for someone sharing the same last name!

I wonder to myself how it would be if tonight I tell my husband I’m going to “do him”! I’m going to take him to places his body and mind didn’t even know existed, and right when he needs a visual to take him over the top, I’m going to go watch TV. When he comes to me with that look of desperation and say’s “What happened? You’re not done! What about the rubbing, caressing, the sex?”
I’ll simply say “Look, I did my best; I’m tired, why can’t you be happy that I tried?” “The machine is loaded, go finish the job”
I bet you the next time he offers to do the dishes, HE FINISHES THE JOB!