Survey Say's!!

What makes you more in the MOOD??
OK ladies and gents, the votes are in on our week long survey!
The question was;
What is more likely to put you in the mood?
1) Helping with housework
2) Spending quality time with you
3) Flowers or Chocolate
4) Back rub and Hugs
5) Telling you how great you are
6) Having a job and supporting your family

Survey Say’s!
Helping with Housework and Spending Quality Time with You came in at a tie at 40% of the votes each.
Flowers or Chocolate or back rub and hugs tied in second place at 10% of the votes each
Telling you how great you are and having a job 0 votes.

My advice to all you men out there wanting to get laid tonight:
Help out with the house and kids; plan a date night where YOU make the arrangements right down to the babysitter. Spend quality time listening to your wife while massaging her from her back to her feet, after the massage surprise her with a LARGE bouquet of CHOCOLATE roses! And to seal the deal, tell her how FANTASTIC she is while signing over your paycheck!
Try it! I bet it works!

The Blurry Line...

I have had some emails and comments on my blog, about my stories. It just simply AMAZES me how differently men and women view what I’m writing about... With women you see things like: “LOL!” “I was CRACKING UP!” Or “I KNOW! I feel the same way!” Even women I know and close friends who have read some post see it as a light hearted funny blog that they in some way can relate to.
Men? Well that my friend is a COMPLETELY different story. They see it as “Man Bashing” degrading, me holding out sex in a loveless and cruel way... (Ouch!)

So to the men reading this: I LOVE my husband. This isn’t about LOVE. It’s not about being cruel or degrading. It's about making light of my sexlife! And seeing that there isn't anything WRONG with me or other women like me. I think the blurry line here is that men see that SEX is directly related to showing LOVE and I (and a lot of women I talk to) don’t.

I show my husband and family LOVE though the everyday things I do, as does my husband. But at the end of a LOOONNNNNGGGGG day of work and being completely drained, when my husband say’s “Are we going to get it on?” I didn’t hear “I love you so much, is there anything I can do to help out” Does that mean he doesn't love me? NO!

There are times when we have worked together on a project or were on vacation or he has just made an effort to pitch in that I do feel like “Making Love” and being close, there are also times when I’m just in a good mood or had a drink or feel relaxed that I just want to have “SEX”
But, DAY TO DAY, after an 8-9 hour work day, then a 6 additional hours of housework, homework, dinner, laundry, school projects etc. I don’t usually feel like having “SEX” it in no way means I don’t LOVE my husband it means I’M TIRED! And a little personal time would be nice.

Case and point:
September 9, 2009
My day:

Woke up 7am
Got Kids off to school
Left for work
Left work at 2 to pick up one child, went back to work, left work again at 2:50 picked up another child, went back to work.
5:30 get home start dinner and homework with kids
6:30 wrap up dinner, take kids friends home
7:00 load up baby, and older siblings, go to store to get cat food and stuff to pack school lunches
7:30 get home put away groceries take baby for a walk
8:30 bath baby and lay him down (30 min process)
9:00 get other siblings off to bed
9:30 come downstairs do dinner dishes
10:00 Kids are asleep, house is clean, and husband wants sex….

Husbands Day:
6 am leaves for work
4pm comes home
Takes nap until 7pm when I wake him up to let him know dinner is done.
7:30 eats dinner
8:00 takes child for 15 min ride on motorcycle
8:20 Sits down with chips I bought for school lunches and starts to watch TV
10 pm see’s that I’m done with everything, wants to have sex

Did sex happen? No, I was too TIRED!
I LOVE him, neither of us is perfect by any means, BUT “SEX” is just not high on MY “PRIORITY LIST” just like day to day house work is not on HIS “PRIORITY LIST”
I’m not saying all days are like this one but most. How often do we have sex? You do the math. The way I see it, in order for us to get on the same page sexualy we BOTH have make things in our lives a higher priority.
Does any of this mean I don’t LOVE him? NO. It just means I’m TIRED!! does that make me a heartless loveless bitch who holds out on sex, well, you decide... either way I'm to tired to give a shit!

"WHOOP, there it is!"

I’m sure you’ve all heard the song “Whoop there it is!”?
Well for those who haven’t heard the song it starts out kinda cute, good beat, makes you shake a little, makes you smile, bop up and down, then slowly it starts to grind on your nerves, you want to turn it off, you can’t take it anymore. WHY? Because it just keeps repeating & repeating over and over again! “Whoop, there it is! Whoop there it is!” FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! WE KNOW! THERE IT FREAKING IS!!! …... Sorry, I can’t even think about that song without going bonkers!
This is the song I hear in my head when I see (or feel) my husband’s penis. Open my eye’s in the morning, “WHOOP, there it is!” Getting in or out of the shower, “WHOOP, there it is!” Making dinner “WHOOP, there it is!” Sit down to watch a movie, “WHOOP, there it is!” Bending over to brush my teeth “WHOOP, there it is!” Writing my blog… “Whoop...” JUST KIDDING! It’s amazing how it’s always readily available! It just pops out of nowhere like a spring daisy needing sunlight and water! And just like the song, in the beginning it started out kinda cute, made me shake a little, bop up and down, but after awhile, I just wanted to change the song to sound a little more like “WHOOP! Mow the lawn!” “WHOOP! Wash a dish!” And slowly but surely over 14 years the lyrics, thank GOD, have begun to change... But no matter how much time passes by I KNOW in the still quietness of the night...
“WHOOP, there it is!”

Note to self: BURN NUDE UNDERWEAR!

Note to self: BURN NUDE COLORED UDERWEAR!
So, I finally put out this morning! My husband got the BEST 45 seconds of his whole day all because of an unforeseen mishap. I call this mishap “NUDE UNDERWARE” Trust me when I say, I don’t wear sexy panties… I can’t, I use to but I’m all about the comfort and multi color packs now. I remember when I was a teenager and my mom would come into my room and ask me if I had been taking her underwear? “I AM SO SURE MOM!” I would quickly reply, “Like I would wear your big granny panties!” I swore, SWORE to myself that I WOULD NEVER, EVER wear what I called silky parachute underwear. 60lbs, 3 kids and a tight budget later I’m hooked! But it’s not silky, it’s the seamless microfiber. LOVE IT!
Anyway, a multi colored pack purchased recently had a white pair, black pair and nude pair. Great! I wore the nude pair to bed. Now, usually to avert any misguided signals my husband may be picking up, I go to bed FULLY CLOTHED. I wear yoga pants, bra, T-shirt, and underwear and socks. Well last night I was really tired and the baby was asleep in my bed. So in the dark I just stripped down to my nursing bra and parachute microfiber nude colored underwear. I’m not even going to call them “Panties” because that sounds too cute for what they are. These are UNDERWEAR!
Well dawn approached too soon and the sun began to peer through the window. I start to stretch and kick off my blankets, and as if my husband sensed skin not cotton his eyes popped open to what he thought was me with no underwear on! “Are you not wearing underwear!?” He asked like a child on Christmas morning! Quick as a flash he was up and rearing to go for it! I was so stunned, and thrown off! What the HELL was he talking about?? I franticly tried to divert the situation while still trying to figure out what the situation even was. I looked down and realized my nude colored underwear had deceived him! And because of the microfiber a few of my stiffer hairs were poking through! HOLY SHIT! I had worn sexy panties unknowingly! I sent false signals, and I knew at this point not even my bad breath, leaking boobs of milk or smelly armpits could get me out of this pickle! (Literally).
Needless to say, 45 seconds later my husband was happily snoring again while I was burning my nude colored parachute panties….

A Hairy Situation

A Hairy Situation….
After the birth of our first child our sex life was put into a tail spin, my husband got no tail and that made him dizzy… (hee hee get it? Tail spin?) Anyway, one day I was thinking about all the reasons I didn’t want to have sex and one thing that kept coming to mind was the word “SEX” don’t you have to feel “SEXY” to want to have “SEX”? Well, it made sense to me. So, in an effort to get things back on track I thought to myself….. “Hmm, what can I do TODAY to feel sexy?” After looking in the mirror at the wreckage that was left behind from being pregnant (baby was 9lbs and I gained 80!) I thought “well not much.” But at a second glance it came to me... LESS HAIR DOWN THERE! I guess in all the excitement of pregnancy, child birth, and new baby I had failed to notice the dark forest of unkepted secrets….
Holy SHIT! What on earth had happened?? I think the prenatal vitamins were fertilizing the lawn! Time to take action! I had a plan; I was going to mow the lawn and edge! That would at least be a start. But I didn’t have much time and from the looks of things it was going to be a 3 step process to attack this job.

Step 1: trim up everything with husbands clippers Step 2: clean up sides and edge
Step 3: Moisturize to prevent itchy bumps

Right in the midst of clipping the plan was derailed by my precious crying newborn. But I was a woman on a mission! Quick as a flash I had divert to plan “B” and old bottle of Nair bikini hair removal. I quickly applied the cream in the bikini area and wrapped a towel around me and went to attend to my baby. Getting her back to sleep took a bit more time then what was recommended time on the bottle of Nair but soon she was fast asleep and I was back on track! (Well so I thought)
Apparently while moving around the cream didn’t stay in its designated are. I hopped in the shower to rinse away the “forest of unkept secrets” and globs of hair started falling out right in my hand! I just kept rinsing and it just kept falling out! I stepped out of the shower and looked down. It looked like my forest just barely survived a nuclear attack. There were little patches of hair dispersed sporadically between large bald spots. I had no choice but to finish the assault , with one more round of Nair my forest was gone leaving behind what seemed to be a map of highways upon a new glistening bumpy road. Not sexy AT ALL!! I had no idea you could get stretch marks there! I took a deep breath and knew at this point that God had put hair there for a reason and that some secrets are just meant to be kept.

Later that night I stuck to my plan to get the sex life back on track and hoped my de boggled attempt to improve my sexiness would go unnoticed. Not a chance, as soon as my husband caught a glimpse of the aftermath he was stunned to say the least! “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!!” I was speechless at his reaction... for about a half second, and then I just burst out laughing! “I’m you sexy bald bitch!” I replied. To which he quickly said “I don’t want to see that again until its back to normal”

Needless to say after about a week of itching nonstop, the forest began to grow again, and now is protected by the national wildlife federation for the conservation of my sex life.

My FIRST MALE COMMENT!!

Yeah! My first MALE comment! I would like to share it……

“The thing IS...we all get what we give and the snowball effect of NO sex just makes things worse and worse. If MY wife had this attitude...there would be less of every emotion around the house, except anger and resentment. Good luck with your blog...I'm off to get another blowjob.”

Ok so, here we go…. I 100% agree with the “we all get what we give” statement! But that statement could easily go both ways. In my household the majority of the household duties are done by me. Dinner, dishes, homework, shopping, cleaning, Dr. Appointments, yadda, yadda, yadda, you get the picture. I am not saying my husband doesn’t help from time to time and lately more than he ever use to. BUT, it’s always a choice for him, if he doesn’t feel like doing anything after work, he doesn’t. If he feels like helping, he does. There is absolutely no choices for me, things have to get done, kids have to be fed, homework has to be turned in, baby has to be taken care of and I work a full time job also. So with the statement “we all get what we give”
I think if things were done on a regular basis TO GIVE MORE, he would GET MORE if you catch my drift. I have tried to explain to my husband that at the end of the night when the day is done I am exhausted and that’s why I don’t want to have sex. I in no way want to speak for other women BUT from speaking to OTHER women it seem to me it am the same for them as well.

As far as the part of your statement “If MY wife had this attitude…” just know, this is not a blog to “MEN BASH” or to have an attitude in anyway, it’s quite simply how I feel. As far as the “NO SEX” comment, we have sex, just not as often as we use to and I find myself caring about it less and less. I love my husband and we have a great relationship. If you could be a fly on the wall you would see there is A LOT of love in my home. That is exactly why I want to explore the reasons of WHY or WHY NOT, I can’t seem to care about sex.
And last but by no means least… your statement “I’m off to get another blowjob” GOOD FOR YOU!! YEAH! On your way there, load the dishwasher and throw in some laundry, sounds like your wife deserve it! Or maybe you already did??? Getting back what you give huh???

SO, my question to my blog viewers and 2 followers!! In your opinion do daily duties have a direct effect on your sex drive?

New Car Smell Theory

So, I have been advised by my beloved to get my hormone levels checked to see why it is I don’t want to have sex…… Not gonna happen! Reason? I’ve come up with a theory; I call it the New Car Smell Theory.
I just bought a new car, I LOVE THE SMELL OF A NEW CAR! What is it about that smell anyways? Oh, I know: it’s NEW! It’s clean; it runs really well, it doesn’t need anything from you other than to drive the hell out of it! It’s exhilarating to push the gas to see how fast it can go, play with all the new buttons see what they do…. Are you following me? Well as time goes on the New Car Smell starts to fade, there is no surprises, you know what all the buttons do or don’t do now that they have quit working, the car turns into work, running back and forth to work, picking up kids, cleaning it, the sticker in the window is a constant reminder of your next trip to the Lube n Go. It’s not that you don’t greatly appreciate your car and what it does for you, your glad you have it and sometimes after a good wash, wax and detail you’re reminded of how fun it was to drive and you take it for a spin just for the fun of it, but no matter how many New Car Smell air freshening trees you buy… the smell is forever gone!
Now if I drove my car to a let’s say… MECHANIC, and said I want you to run a diagnostic on my car and find out why the new car smell is gone, the mechanic would do it because he’s a dishonest JACKASS. He would tell me the smell is gone because the air filter is clogged, charge me for the diagnostic and filter, then proceed to tell me to use better oil and treat my car with a little more respect all the while thinking that I’m an idiot! If you’re not following me here (the mechanic is the DOCTOR)
Now from a mans perspective,
They can’t smell, they don’t care, it could be a rusty piece of shit at a junk yard and they would see a classic model that they WANT TO DRIVE just to see how it feels!
In a nutshell:
I don’t need a mechanic to tell me I need a new air filter so I want to ride my husband more often. I just need to find a really good New Car Smell air freshener to hang above my headboard right next to the sticker that reminds me of my next Lube n Go!