Bite it HARD!

Well thanks to a broken tooth and a very unwelcome root canal I have not been able to put out yet, I know what your all thinking.... YEA RIGHT! But this time I'm SERIOUS!! I had a root canal done on a tooth that broke and the pain has not let up since! I went back to the dentist and he said he thinks it's just sore and wait until Monday... Well it's Sunday and I woke up and had 4 ibuprofen for breakfast! The only thing that helps is when I bite down really hard and hold my jaw tight, it puts pressure on the tooth and the pain stops for a minute. So I was laying there this morning tighting my jaw and I thought I need a teether! something I can bit hard on to put pressure on my tooth! I rolled over and brushed up against my husband while I was trying to get up and he had his normal morning wood... And just for a moment I thought... yea you guessed it, I wonder if I bite it hard while it's hard will that help my tooth?? I'm willing to do just about anything at this point to make the pain stop! I get tooth relief, he gets sexual relief.....I could just gnaw on it to sooth my gums...... Well needless to say for the first time EVER my husband turned me down flat! I guess I can't blame him, even out of his desperation I'm sure me using his manhood as a chew toy isn't appealing. So, I'm off to the store to buy a teething ring and some anbesol... and as for my sex life? well I'm married and in pain... you do the math

Quick update!

Yep, just as I suspected, the husband got home, saw the new hair and made an offer to go upstairs and try it out... I had to of course decline due to many reasons mostly, kids, dinner, homework and of course I'm exhausted BUT, I didn't shut him down completely I gave him a glimmer of hope by saying with a bit of a twinkle in my eye: "the baby took a nap and just might go to sleep tonight" .. He's now downstairs pumping iron. I guess I'll start doing sit ups????

Tonights the night...

Well, I got my hair done, showered, shaved and I'm toying with the idea of getting on the treadmill, all in all this is the recipe for love... or just a quickie or maybe just a "brush up against him but maybe this weekend we'll make it happen" glance... I know for certain it's officially on the calender, when the bleach goes in the roots, the sex gets put on the calendar! Good thing I can only afford to get my hair done twice a year!

Miss me yet????

Well ladies, and men (maybe) I'm back! YEA~!~ It's been at least a year since my last confession, oh ...I mean post and well I thought it was time to get my fat ass back in the saddle and start blogging! Are you excited?? I'm! OK, so long time uh? lots of catching up to do so lets make it quick so we can get to the nitty gritty of the last year

First: I lost a few pounds! (about 2o)
Second: I gained some of them back...(about 12)
Third: it did in fact help my sex life a tiny bit
Fourth: It didn't help it enough to write home about...
Last: not much has changed here, still not horny, but somewhat happy, husband still not getting much but I think he's coping... Still think I'm pretty average, and so are you... THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE ME!!

Well that's about it. So here it is, I was reading through my past blogs and laughing hysterically at myself (those who know me know this is a common thing) and I thought, I'm just to dam good at this not to be sharing it with the world, SO... I will commit to blogging at least 3 times a week! I invite you to come along....

I'm Back Bitches!!

Guess who’s Back?? ME! So sorry to all my beloved followers… I’ve had ONE HELL of an October! Over committed, over worked, and then… swine flu went through the ENTIRE family!! So, how has the sex life been going you ask? It hasn’t. I think I’ve put out ONE time in the past month and I’m not sure if me lying on my back with my head turned to the side while trying to not breathe on my husband during our 30 second interlude would even be counted as “sex” but oh well, I’m counting it! I want to start off my return with letting everyone know that out of the $21.00 raised only $5.00 went into my account due to paypal and bank fee’s. So, I’m canceling the donation section of my blog and I will buy a gift for the angel tree with the money donated to date. I will come up with another way to work towards my goal of a healthier sex life and body. THANK YOU to all who donated for your support and belief in me. I’m so sorry it didn’t work out the way I had hoped. Time to get back on track. I will be blogging EVERY DAY again! YEA!! And I will be walking EVERY DAY also! AND, (could there be more you ask?) Nope, that’s it. I think blogging and walking is enough for now… JUST KIDDING!! I will try to explore my inner sexiness and once again find it in me to try and give two shits about sex and bla, bla, bla…. I’m back and that’s what matters. So get ready ladies and my one male that reads sometimes, it’s gonna get hairy!

Finding the "SPARK PLUG"

I got home from work this evening to my husband in the driveway with the hood of our Honda Accord up. He was tinkering or whatever. ANYWAY, later he came in and said he was trying to change the spark plugs in the car and had a hell of a time finding them, to which I replied "not much different from the bedroom then uh?" to which he said " oh, I don't give a shit about that anymore" call me a bitch but "WHAT THE HELL?!" I know he wants sex but here inlies the problem! for men, an organism happens in 30 seconds or less, me and most women I talk to: the biggest "O" in their lives arrives at 4pm when Ophrah comes on. Give me a freaking break! I was so irritated. Now I KNOW I'm going to regret this rant, but HOLY SHIT! NO WONDER WOMEN DON'T GIVE A SHIT! Were expected to work FULL TIME, clean, still be a fun loving full time, PTA volunteering mom, A wife that puts out, takes care of herself, keeps EVERYTHING on the up and up and the ONLY thing most men are expected to do is keep a job. Let's see , it's 11:30 pm , the baby is up due to a late nap until probably about 1:30 am. Is my mechanic under the hood trying to find the "Spark Plug"? Oh, no... He clocked out at 5 and was in bed by 10 regardless of what was going on in the shop. Here's the thing, I don't have to look for his spark plug, it's in plain view, on the freaking dash board with flashing neon lights saying "TOUCH ME, TOUCH ME!" And the moment I locate the spark plug the motor revs up. I know it takes much more work under my hood then his, and most of the time I don't have time to work in the "SHOP" if you know what I mean. But at least "CARE" where my spark plugs are! In the mean time I'm suppose to be some fun loving, hot for my husband, walking for a tummy tuck, giving 100% , money making bitch. Well, I'm tired as hell and I'm don't give a rat's ASS if my husband EVER finds the FREAKING SPARK PLUG AGAIN! I think I just may put batteries in the new butterfly bullet thingy I got for my birthday and see what the future brings. Love to all my bitches! Peace out!

The Magic Bullet~ It's not just for quick quacamole baby!

So I got a birthday surprise from some close friends of mine...(you know who you are!) They picked my up today and took me to a dirty store and I don't mean the floors were sticky! I guess I 'm going to fess up to the blog world, I'm a virgin in the sexual electronic department and and after seeing what was on the shelves?? HOLY SHIT! The world has come A LONG way since the egg beater!

There were things that looked like a cactus with balls that you sit on?? and little bunnies with ears but something told me these bunnies had something more to offer than good hearing! There was a particular item called a "g ring" I think, It looked interesting. I had NO IDEA were to begin! My friends however were pros! they were shopping like it was the dairy department at the local grocer. Not a big deal. They agreed to start out simple and work my way up. So, I got some pop rocks your throw them in your mouth then throw your mouth on things and share in the popping! I thought this was a good idea, just in case I don't have sex I have a fun treat for later! Some dirty dice and a little thing called the butterfly bullet. I got it upon recommendation of the girls I was with, also it was cute and pink with a butterfly pattern on it. So we'll see what happens. I might just be on to something new in the bedroom! And as my close friend likes to say "Maybe the Hokey Poky is what it's all about!" (And you know who you are!)